In honor of habitual weirdos Die Antwoord’s new album, Donker Mag - with titles like “Raging Zef Boner,” “Don’t Fuk Me,” “Sex,” “Girl I Want 2 Eat U,” and “Happy Go Sucky Fucky” – dropping today, here’s a Reddit list of pre-Antwoord music by Ninja.
Also, a link to an interview explaining how Yolandi’s pet rats “raped” each othermultiplied like crazy on the set of the “Evil Boy” video. And a Gaga drag queen being eaten by a lion.
“Pitbull Terrier” (no relation to J-Lo’s Pitbull) features more animal-centric freakiness involving blood spatter, people dressed as cats and dogs, and a real rat dressed as nothing.
Blood Orange, moniker of Dev Hynes – friend of Solange and Theophilus London – has a new video full of a style of dancing that I can only think to call candid.
He’s like Michael Jackson on downers, and even fresher than Hugh Jackman, T.I. and LL Cool J’s surprisingly fresh rendition of “The Music Man” at the Tonys. This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite albums of 2013, Cupid Deluxe.
Watch and learn, ladies, these three fabulous men dancing at the speed of freshly-fed Hummingbirds to Beyonce’s greatest hits in high heels without breaking a sweat are the hottest thing since croissant-crust Hot Pockets.
Wanda Sykes was on Watch What Happens a few Tuesdays ago to air her grievances about the “new” Beyonce. You know, the one who left her man-hating Destiny’s Child sisters in the dust in favor of solo man-worship and a baby suspiciously named after an invasive weed.
My favorite comedian is specifically disturbed by the thought of Jay-Z’s “ashy penis,” but I just miss Kelly and Michelle’s matching halter tops and synchronized hand waving.
Destiny’s Child had a formula and it worked every time… Dirty Beyonce is unpredictable.
Just realized I haven’t talked about Rihanna in a while because I thought if I prayed hard enough in silence for her Instagram account to reappear I might get a response because summer is here and I desperately need to know which monokini has the best slits and what beach provides equal parts shade and sun for eating pineapple slices off Cara DeLevingne in an MDMA haze.
An Instagram account isn’t even the only thing we’re mourning, Rihanna has sadly been enjoying her break from album-recording, and will probably not release her usual CD in November.
An interview with the Independent more than indicates that lady rapper Angel Haze is really really tired of the media confusing her romance with Ireland Baldwin for a run-of-the-mill friendship.
Haze, who met Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s 18-year-old daughter at New York Fashion Week months ago and has been sharing adorable couple-y photos on Instagram ever since, said “I don’t know if there’s like some confirm or deny thing with the way relationships work in the media, but everyone just calls us best friends, best friends for life, like we’re just friends hanging out.”
She called it “funny” but added that it also “sucks,” continuing on with a slightly explicit rant about how “friends don’t f*ck” and to STFU because they definitely do, all the time.
“I have never f*cked one of my friends. Once I see you in that way, it doesn’t happen,” she said. “But we do f*ck and it’s crazy.” (See Haze’s adorably grumpy morning face? That’s how she f*cking feels about you f*cking calling that chick in her f*cking lap her bestie.)
Crystal clear + third cutest lesbian couple since Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey after my girlfriend and I (obviously) + wow that’s a giant plate of pancakes. Damn, anyone else seeing that Ireland is Ellie Goulding’s side profile twinsie?
Giant white Australian ass vs. giant New York ass, also known as up-and-comer Iggy Azalea vs. Nicki Minaj, is not a thing. After that phantom conglomerate we call the internet automatically assumed the parts of Minaj’s BET Awards speech about authenticity and songwriting were aimed at fellow Best Female Hip-Hop Artist Nominee Azalea, Minaj took to Twitter to clarify that her words were actually not directed at anyone in particular.
According to her, we put the shade in her hand and threw it for her / on a beef scale of 1 to 10, this is a turkey sub.
“The media puts words in my mouth all the time and this is no different. I will always take a stance on women writing b/c I believe in us! I believe we’re smart enough to write down our own thoughts and perspective, just like the men do. I’ve been saying this for 5 YEARS.”
I've congratulated Iggy on the success of Fancy, publicly. She should be very proud of that. All the women nominated should b proud.— PillsNPotions (@NICKIMINAJ) July 02, 2014
Iggy said via Instagram that she is “unbothered” by what was said and finds all the hoopla lame and petty. (Definitely less fascinating than Nicki vs. Mariah and also Nicki vs. Lil’ Kim.)
That will never change my desire to motivate women to write. Our voices have to be heard. I hope I inspire up & coming females to do that.— PillsNPotions (@NICKIMINAJ) July 02, 2014
In 1996, after hearing a spot-on parody of “Gangster’s Paradise” on the radio, I bought a glorious tape by the man who wrote it, called Bad Hair Day. It didn’t change my life, but it was funny. I all but forgot about Weird Al until 2006′s brilliant comeback, Straight Outta Lynwood, but the admiration never left.
The thing to respect about Yankovic besides his work ethic (he just dropped his 14th album), is that he’d rather go for a “poke in the ribs than a punch in the face,” which isn’t easy. Just ask any comedian.
This year, Al’s pulling a Beyoncé, throwing out music videos as if they were birdseed in the park. Four parodies are already out, with four more on the horizon. So far there’s…
“Handy” (Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy”)
I’m so handy, you already know I’ll fix your plumbing when your toilets over flows I’m so handy, I’ll bring you up to code When your dishwasher’s about to explode
“Word Crimes” (Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines”)
I hate these word crimes Like I could care less That means you do care At least a little Don’t be a moron You’d better slow down And use the right pronoun Show the world you’re no clown
“Foil” (Lorde’s “Royals”)
With aluminum foil (foil) Never settle for less That kind of wrap is just the best To keep your sandwich nice and fresh Stick it in your cooler (cooler) Eat it when you’re ready But maybe you’ll choose (you’ll choose, you’ll choose, you’ll choose) A refreshing herbal tea
“Tacky” (Pharrell’s “Happy”)
(Because I’m tacky) Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants (because I’m tacky) Got my new resume it’s printed in Comic Sans (because I’m tacky) Think it’s fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review (because I’m tacky) If you think that’s just fine, then, you’re probably tacky, too
It might seem unusual for a debut album to have a song called “Comeback” on it, but at only 20 years old, obvious Best Hair in Music-haver Ella Eyre makes it work.
It’s about a scoundrel who “comes back” after cheating, but instead of being a weak ass weak sauce bad-guy-taker-backer, she breaks his dishes, dissects his flatscreen with a guitar and lights his ride on fire. With a little help from her friends, of course.
I imagine Lisa Left Eye’s ghost smiling. (Non-undead Carrie Underwood too.)
On behalf of everyone, I would like to proclaim that I watched all of Nicki Minaj‘s new music video, which is “Baby Got Back” with a different title and a verse about a dude named Michael with a “dick bigger than a tower” who tossed her salad “like his name Romaine.”
Michael and this other guy Troy love that she’s down to bang in a car and that she eats breakfast lunch and dinner because, as you can tell from the salad references and slow-motion banana peeling, she’s very health conscious.
As with all things Nicki Minaj, it all boils down to the ass, and this is definitely the most assalicious song of Nicki’s. (“Dance A$$” doesn’t count if we’re being technical.)The video is just an excuse for Nicki and other self-proclaimed big bootied hoes to twerk.
All twerk and no play / twerking hard or hardly twerking?
If you insist on watching, fast-forward to the 1:33 mark, where Nicki lifts .05 pound weights in a hot pink French-cut thong, then to this lap dance…
There’s a lot of fruit in this video. It’s like Fruit Ninja, but with asses instead of swords, unless you’re counting Drake’s boner, but I think it’d be really hard to cut a strawberry with that.
Let’s all ponder the deep meaning of one life-altering question: whose fame would diminish more without their universe-sized butt, Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj?
She’s just surpassed Michael Jackson for most Hot 100 Hits. Your move, Iggy Azalea.
Knight is currently in intensive care recovering from stomach and arm injuries caused by gunfire at Chris Brown’s pre-party, Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj’s dancer – who was attacked by a boa constrictor during a run-through of “Anaconda” – appear to be fine.Individually, we could assume that Tupac cursed Suge Knight from the grave for being involved in his murder and Nicki had bad karma after cursing Iggy Azalea for stealing her thunder, OR we could apply actual logic and say that Suge is a known gangster and Iggy’s ass and gravity are as deadly a combination as wild animals and human dancers.
All I have to say is, this is what happens when you don’t invite Britney Spears.
“Bang Bang,” is a song by music’s Vampira featuring big voice-having little person Ariana Grande and inspiration for the “ass like a cadillac” line, Nicki Minaj.
Reminds me of the Amazonian women episode of Futurama where the men are excited to be sentenced to death by “Snu-Snu” (sex by crushed pelvis) because they’re horny and don’t know any better.
STOP contemplating spending your bad day watching videos of dancing lambs and monkeys bothering cats and listen to the folky/R&B version of “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” in all its glorious smile-inducing cuteness.
Yes, The Voice Australia semi-finalist Fatai just released her full rendition of the song everyone – even people who miraculously haven’t seem Frozen – are singing regardless of it being summer and there not being access to snow in most parts of the country.
Beyonce is surely jealous of all this note-stretching soulfulness, wondering why she didn’t come up with this for the sing-Blue-Ivy-to-sleep mixtape.
I have a story about Frozen. Last month, when my long-distance girlfriend visited from North Carolina I suggested she watch it for the first time, mostly because I knew “Let It Go” would get stuck in her head and that she’d sing it to me at random intervals while I was buttering toast or attempting to administer the proper high dose of sugar into her instant coffee.
She seemed to enjoy it, and the next night when she asked to watch it again I thought nothing of it…
Fast forward to now, I’ve seen Frozen at least 15 times and I can lip-sync everything, including the troll song, with perfect accuracy and I still don’t regret making her watch this movie because 1. It’s amazing and 2. Censored Frozen videos and 3. More censored Frozen videos.P.S. Fatai, who calls Frozen “the best Disney movie ever” and totally reminds me of India Arie, is signed to Universal and can be followed on Facebook HERE.
“I was high on vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio,” Thicke said during a court deposition deciding whether “Blurred Lines” is a white copy of a Marvin Gaye song. “I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”
Thicke told Howard Stern last year that “Blurred Lines” only took a few minutes to write, and, considering he’s been not only recording albums since 2003 but also writing music for other people (Michael Jackson, Jennifer Hudson, anyone but himself) and didn’t see a glimmer of radio success until “Blurred Lines,” it seems all it takes to make a hit song is a few downers, a swig of Jack and epic laziness.
The only people who have seen Iggy Azalea’s sex tape at this point seem to be the “businessmen” over at Vivid Entertainment, who think the tape could actually be worth millions of dollars, possibly even more than saucer-eyed knob-polishers Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.
The only people BESIDES of course Iggy herself and her co-star, former boyfriend and manager combo Hefe Wine.
Azalea is busy denying the tape’s existence while her lawyers are busy telling TMZ that it was filmed “without her knowledge or consent” and Hefe is busy pretending like he had nothing to do with it ending up at Vivid.
Some of his favorite tags include #BLACKJEW #billionairclub #billiaireboysclub #richforever #wherethemhatersat and #richmandisease
This story was super-rousing the internet’s boner this week UNTIL they all heard that she may have been underage when it was filmed, and then they moved on to PG things, like Khloe’s cornrows, and Taylor Swift’s cat.
The oldest butt and the newest joined forces for a song called, get ready for it, “Booty.” A middle-eastern tune best served after repeated viewings of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the “Dance (Ass)” remix and Kim Kardashian’s entire Instagram.
Seriously, how many simple-minded men have to die of heart problems all so Jennifer Lopez can feel superior to Kim and Nicki?
You know she came up with this concept after turning around in the mirror asking Evil Queen-style who has the roundest derriere of all?
And she made it anyway, even after the mirror was like “BITCH, NOT YOU.”Just look at THIS STILL and tell me this isn’t J-Lo’ trying to strangle the hit songs lifeforce out of Iggy Azalea disguised as an innocent guest spot. The other two are next.
Nicki Minaj is feeling generous this holiday season, after delivering the “Only” video, a song about all the guys she could have banged but didn’t, she’s giving us The Pinkprint Movie - three videos in one displaying varying stages of heartache-inducing grief.
These stages of grief are: crying, crashing your car while crying, continuing to sing even though you’ve been in a car accident, and playing the piano.
The songs are about an angry guy with a Minaj chest tattoo who looks like Big Sean…
Some speculate that the short film is inspired by Minaj’s real-life breakup with her longtime boyfriend Safaree Samuels. Though Minaj has not said that the video is based on their relationship, Minaj got emotional with Power 105.1’s Angie Martinezwhen discussing the split in a radio interview last week:
“I’ve never been single for the past 15 years of my life,” she said.
Actor/rapper extraordinaire Donald Glover enlists his favorite director Hiro Murai (“Telegraph Ave,” “Sweatpants,” and “3005”) to shoot the stoner anthem “Sober.”
Glover displays excellent pantomiming skills in hopes of impressing a girl (Amber Lauren Jones) at a diner. Dude has doves flying out of his shirt and she barely bats an eye. Cold.
At 4 minutes and 36 seconds, The Weeknd’s version of Fifty Shades of Grey is better than the movie. And instead of being summed up by an entire book with scenes featuring tampons and buttplugs that apparently turned on every woman in the world except me, this music video can be explained with a single gif of Dakota Johnson playing with The Weeknd’s hair tuft. Ellie Goulding has also released a song from the weirdly good Fifty Shades soundtrack AND a bonus Nike campaign video of her running in tights. You’re welcome.
This week, Jimmy Kimmel brings back good-natured famous people to read of mean Tweets that are mostly about dicks and balls, because humanity is a 12-year-old boy.